Things I learnt in my 40s

When I was in my 40s I decided it was time to find my ‘man’. Up to around 42 I’d wanted, hoped for, wished and dreamed about finding my Mr Right. But I wasn’t truly ready to receive him.

black and white photo of two hands receivingWhat do I mean by this?

Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, wrote “There is a difference between wishing for a thing and being ready to receive it. No one is ready for a thing until he believes he can acquire it. The state of mind must be belief, not mere hope and wish.”

So if you have any doubts that it could happen to you, or if you want it with one hand but pretend you don’t with the other, or you hope it might but deep down in your guts feel you don’t deserve it – it won’t happen. You’ll drive it away even as you talk a good story about wanting it.

Everything is energy…

The field of quantum physics shows us that at the molecular level we are all vibrating waves of energy.

We’re connected and constantly communicating at this energetic level. For example, have you ever experienced knowing someone’s mood before they even walk through the door, or thinking of someone and then they phone or you bump into them?

We talk of our energy levels being up or down, of having no energy or being full of boundless energy.

We take in energy from all life’s experiences; our surroundings, what we see, hear and sense, what others say and do. When we don’t handle this incoming energy in a positive way or if we bottle things up, then it gets stuck and manifests as unwanted emotions (fear, anger, sadness, guilt, hurt), physical discomfort (aches, pains, tensions) and mental blocks such as limiting decisions and limiting beliefs like ‘I’m not worthy of’, ‘Who am I to’, ‘People like me don’t get’, and so on.

I could go on with the list, but I’m sure you get the point. If, at the back of your mind, you have any thought or feeling that blocks your energy, it will resist the very thing you want.

Essentially, you aren’t ready to receive if you’re blocking your energy flow.

How did I know when I was ready to receive?

I decided to get really clear about the attributes of the man I wanted to meet, so I made lists and I wrote letters to this unknown man describing our life together. I established what I wanted to give to this relationship as well as what I wanted to receive from it.

I was determined that we would meet that year (2009) and I knew in my heart that we would. This meant trusting my heart and my guts to really guide me. I’d tried the online dating scene previously and it didn’t feel right for me. It did feel right to just believe that I would meet him in the course of my day-to-day work.

As any limiting beliefs came up about relationships, I worked on changing them.

So I stopped saying ‘I’d like a man in my life but not in my house’ and I started to look at where in my life and my house I wasn’t making room for a chap (overstuffed drawers and wardrobe, pictures of single women – the things Feng Shui experts will draw your attention to).

Sculpture of man and woman holding each otherI started to make room for him literally and mentally.

I had a small carving of two people hugging. It became my talisman for the relationship I was making room for. It sat by my bed with my angel which says ‘One good heart attracts another’.

I stopped looking at every single man I met as a possibility and started to be more discerning and curious. I decided I was worthy of this relationship, not afraid of it. I also knew that I was ready to work at the relationship, to show up for it every day without shrinking from it or putting up with it.

The real thing

When I met Paul in April 2009 and our first real get-to-know each phone conversation a week later was four hours long, there were no holds barred on either side. We knew this was ‘it’ and we were ready to receive each other in all our glory and warts’n’all.

So my take on ‘ready to receive’ is this: when you are ready you stop hoping and start knowing, you stop wishing and start preparing, you stop feeling pulled between your wants and your limiting beliefs and you start feeling certain beyond any shadow of a doubt.

Your head, your heart and your guts come into alignment and you start thinking ‘when’ not ‘if’. And you become ready to receive…

Find out more…

Think and Grow Rich, Napolean Hill

Tina Bettison

About Tina Bettison

I’m a writer, bestselling author, and broadcaster. I am currently writing a book about how to navigate your 40s, as I’m nearly at the end of mine and have plenty of stories to share! I’d love to hear your stories of your 40s too. Contact me on or visit my website I also work as a guide and doula for those wishing to find and express their own creative voice.