The Honey Hunter: wink, mail, stalk

I am losing the will to log-on. After Blue Eyes I seem to be being attacked by creatures from the dark. The dark I tell you! Breathe… Yes creatures from very very very dark places. Well, OK maybe not all of them but most…

monsters-300x208And then there’s Old Boho, who in fairness may not remember that he has winked at me several hundred times, as he really does look like he enjoyed himself in the sixties. Old Boho was probably a handsome fellow in his pot-smoking-acid-dropping-free-loving days and may well be an interesting chap to have a chat to if he can still string sentences together. But I’m not here to chat.

And don’t get me started on The Algerian. Either he winks at me; tries to chat on instant messenger or emails me – or all three. He knows not when to stop. I keep ignoring him. What more can I do? Go away! Not only are you not attractive to me – you also live very far away!

And please don’t even go there with Monster Munch! No. Just no. He has the perfect face for a freaky fairground attraction. Roll up! Roll up! Look at the man who looks like a fried potato snack!! Children will cry, old people will clutch their chests and the worst thing of all is that he doesn’t use a single capital letter when he writes. Not at the beginning of sentences nor when addressing himself. It’s not right.

And who (or what, more to the point) is Moon Face? He has a fascinating roundness of the cranium, but that’s where my interest ends. Really please stop it with the daily winks! I have nothing more to say. I do wonder, though, if his eyebrows are real… I need to get out more.

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Am I really being too fussy? Should I give Weeny Guy a chance to see exactly how flaccid his handshake is? He would adore me and stare at me endlessly… Would it hurt to get in touch with Old Boho and ask him for a date? He’ll probably just say “15th of August 1969”, nod a few times and then forget who I am… Maybe consider relocating to Algeria? The weather would be hot and sunny… Perhaps I should just join the freaky fairground with Monster Munch? I could be the Amazing Single Woman. Roll up! Roll up! Look at the woman who can’t nail a date with a decent guy!! And am I being too harsh about Moon Face? I could find out if his eyebrows are really eyebrows and then spend hours taking measurements of his head…

How low can I take my standards?

About Polly Rusyn

I am a professional photographer based in London. I liberated myself from office life within the travel industry in the summer of 2015 in order to follow my creative passions. Since then I have set up a photography business, finished a travel memoir, ‘Never Mind The Baggage’ (coming spring 2017), and I write The Honey Hunter - a blog about the dating adventures of Missy.