Hot Guy, Hot Guy, wherefore art though Hot Guy!? Flirting, dating and giving it to someone else – that’s where. Yes, he has read my email…and, no, he has not replied. Perhaps I’m just simply not hot enough for Hot Guy.
Am I trying to shop for D&G when I should stick to H&M? Do I need to dust my mirrors more often and wear glasses when I look into them? My face is symmetrical. What more can I do? It’s the only face I can afford. Do I need to meet a man with slightly impaired vision?
In revenge (pain can make you lash out) I immediately lowered my standards and emailed Boy Man and Mr Writer. That would show Hot Guy. That would teach him. Ha!
Both read my emails and neither responded.
What do I have to do? Do I have to resort to the over 50s and those beyond repair? Do I have to settle for the ‘before’ picture rather than the ‘after’? What. Am. I. Doing. Wrong?
Perhaps I should have lied about my age…why is it such a focus of the search anyway? When you meet a man offline and in three dimensions you may wonder how old he is and he may wonder how old you are, but either he makes you giggle and toss your hair around or he doesn’t, and either you give him a bit of a trouser swelling or you don’t. The chemicals simply kick in and that’s that.
I have reviewed my profile and I sound fairly interesting and look reasonably attractive in the photos (I made sure I wore my glasses to check). So, I am wondering if my approach hasn’t been quite right.
I have also reviewed my messages of ‘love’ and they contain some of my best lines, dammit, such as: “I will overlook the fact you don’t smile – I trust you have teeth!” and “You could have a high pitched voice and walk like a girl…” and “Spoon or no spoon are you man enough?” (the spoon was relevant in context). Is this really not the way to win a man’s heart?!
I conclude that I need to work on my flirting technique.