Blond Date and I are playing email ping pong. I should be excited and frantically doing sit-ups at the prospect of the possibility of a date on the horizon
But…I’m not. What I am is bored. Blond Date is boring with a capital everything. Why am I emailing him still? I think I must be fascinated by how profoundly dull he is, plus it helps me sleep.
It’s not even that he writes a lot – the messages are short…and, well, painfully dull. I have tried to make a bit of a light joke (well aware of my previous failed attempts at wooing men with my humour, so keeping it toned down, not wanting to jeopardise the holy grail of a date)…and still nothing. No spark. Nada. Zip. Zero. Not a whiff of flirtation or a frissant of something or hint of meeting up. Nothing! Not even a question related to my profile.
Is it me? Am I being too harsh? Too demanding? Too easily bored? He uses lines like: “I broke my mate’s hoover, yet both lights were on.” Really? Is that interesting, exciting, flirty, dirty talk? Is that supposed to fire up my loins? Get me all excited to the point I can no longer look at a vacuum cleaner without blushing?
He looks so smiley in his photos. Fun even. I feel cheated. Maybe I was wrong to write to him. Maybe I should have winked first and given him the power to email me? Did I cross the line? Is he terrified of a woman who dares to write to him, when he was just happy having a good wink and actually has nothing to say?
I have his most recent email open in front of me and, honestly, I am at a loss. I almost nodded off twice whilst trying to read it, as he has pushed the boat out and added an extra paragraph. But still no interest in me! No reference to anything about me. Just boring boringness with added bore.
How is it he is still single? I ask myself sarcastically whilst yawning and slapping my face waiting for the coffee to brew. He. Has. To. Go. I have nothing to say to him. Nothing. Goodbye Blond Date. Where is my dream guy!?