Conjure up the word sex and what comes to mind for you? Disgust, embarrassment, shame, and negative feelings towards men?
Or do you feel ‘I can’t be bothered with it; it’s something I’d rather not think about?’
You may of course, feel it’s the most wonderful, liberating, and marvellous experience. But there is a lot more to sexual energy than you’ve probably ever thought about.
Putting old beliefs to rest
Sex has been negatively highlighted for many years and pornography and degradation of women has been used to arouse and entertain. It’s no wonder that the book 50 Shades of Grey has proved so popular!
So there has been a distinct lack of education about what sex and sexual energy really is.
Many women are carrying old ancestral beliefs in their bodies and minds that they are meant to have sex just to please their partner.
They have been used to putting up with it as a chore and something to be endured, hence the term ‘lie back and think of England’.
There is also a lot of shame around sex so women have become confused and lost.
Added to all this is the pressure on men and women of putting up a performance of what they think it should be like so they lose sight of the true intimacy and connection.
The energy you feel when you are aroused, yes this is sexual energy. But there is so much more to be gained from it in our everyday existence.
Taoism and cultivating sexual energy
Ancient Taoists discovered that the key to a long, healthy life resided in the cultivation of their sexual essence with the belief that sex is sacred and that sexual energy is extremely precious.
All of life is made up of this energy – we are born with it and it is our life force. You may have heard it described as Prana, Kundalini, Chi or Qi.
By cultivating your vital life force (sexual energy) it can give you a feeling of being more fully alive – it literally wakes you up. So when we start to look at sexual energy at its deepest sense, sex actually only plays a small part in it because it is living and breathing us everyday.
We need to learn to preserve it and take care with it, nourish it and be sensitive to it as opposed to abusing it and using it in ways that don’t serve us.
The art of pleasure
It’s also time to celebrate our sensuality and love of pleasure in all of life. It has a distinct knock-on effect to everything and everyone around us.
And we women have a huge capacity for pleasure so let’s start to immerse ourselves in it.
In ancient traditions, the vulva was worshipped and adored. It was honoured as the ‘magical portal of life, possessed of the power of both physical regeneration and spiritual illumination and transformation’.
Somewhere along the way, particularly in the West, this power has been lost. Many women don’t even want to look at their own vulvas and don’t know how to pleasure themselves.
So it’s important for women to get to know and love their bodies – not just the vaginal area. The body has thousands of nerve endings and developing sensitivity in the whole body can deeply enhance pleasure. There is huge power in sensation and the slightest touch. Ultimately fulfillment comes from our inner selves.
It’s also time to educate our men in the art of pleasuring us with honest and open communication.
We need them to really take it slow. We need to feel relaxed and we need to tell them what we like. So it’s important to take the time and space to do this and make it a priority in our lives.
There are a few things you can do to cultivate this precious energy:
- Deep breathing
- Being in nature (if we look to nature, it is a world bursting with sexual energy. A beautiful aliveness of living, breathing, growing, glorious energy.)
- Allowing full expression of your being
- Opening up the heart
- Expanding your energy field
- Qi gong (a Chinese healthcare system involving certain postures and breathing techniques)
- Circulating energy throughout the body
- Joyful aliveness
- Celebrating our sensual selves
- Honouring our natural flow and cycles and living in accordance with them.
The other important thing to mention about sexual power is that it’s your personal power and no one can take it away from you. So the more you are fully embodied in this power and don’t hold yourself back, the more free you are.
(Guidance for this article has been supplied by Joy Hicklin-Bailey, director of Secret Garden. Joy runs courses and workshops about spiritual awakening, Intimacy, relationship and Connection. Please see her website for further information www.secretgarden.eu.com)