Placing myself back on the singles register, I wondered what I was thinking doing such a thing at the age of 40
Surely a practically non-existent relationship with a philandering commitment-phobic emotionally retarded narcissist was better than being single? Seemingly not, after a lengthy visit to the self esteem shop.
How I had accepted his behaviour for so long now astounds me. He had to go, plain and simple, however damned sexy and funny and charming he was and however well he fitted into me in bed. He. Had. To. Go.
So he went, and didn’t even bother to put up a fight. He could have at least pretended to promise to try to change.
Is there a meeting I can go to? A twelve-step programme that can make me double again? “My name is Missy and I am single and no longer in my thirties.” At least I am just about holding it together on the looks front I suppose. They do say that 40 is the new 30, and although my rear view isn’t exactly what it once was, thankfully my boobs are still pointing in the right direction. I guess my ass just took one for the team. Go ass!
So, what does a single 40-year-old do in such a situation? Going to a nightclub and jumping around amongst super smooth-skinned twenteens in tops worn as dresses isn’t going to work for me, and neither is strategic lurking in the meat section of the nearest supermarket, spying in the baskets of eligible looking men to see if they are shopping ‘for one’. What am I supposed to do? Tell a random stranger that I could tell he was a breast man, when we both ‘happen’ to reach for the same piece of chicken? Maybe I should wink at the same time.
Instead, seeing as it is chilly out and you don’t even have to get dressed to do so, I have decided to sign up to a dating website. Yes indeed! No longer is this considered to be the territory for the desperate – seemingly everyone is doing it now. But which site do I go for? When faced with a choice of being loved for who I really am or the promise of love guaranteed, no less, or of being recommended by a well meaning friend selling the benefits of dating me, it has suddenly become a mission in itself to choose…