I have spent hours browsing another dating website. This one is choc full of photos of the product, er, I mean men. Now. We. Are. Cooking!
This is what I have been looking for – somewhere where I could eye up the talent, check out the trouser, try before I buy – that sort of thing. A kind of Argos catalogue of eligible men with their own teeth and nicely formed biceps.
With love and relationships guaranteed, as the site promises (depending on the package I buy of course), I figure I can’t go wrong, so I have gone for it and registered myself. However, I have decided that for the time being I won’t upload a photo of myself or write too much information, nor hand over any cash until I have a respectable line-up of potential husbands.
I appreciate this makes me a bit of an anonymous stalker type, which probably isn’t the best way to approach finding my soul mate. Am I perhaps simply avoiding having to do any actual real dating? After being in love with someone who was incapable of a relationship, am I actually capable of one? I have to admit to being filled with self-consciousness about the whole advertising myself as being ‘available’ thing. Terrified if the truth be known.
The good news, however, is that there seem to be quite a few handsome chaps on the website. The ones I find attractive, though, are either looking for someone younger than me (whatever) or for someone within an age range of legally-able-to-have-sex to just-about-can-still-manage-sex; I want to say ‘open-minded’, but I’m going to say ‘desperate’.
There seem to be thousands of people online all the time on this site looking for online relationships, which is a little intimidating. It’s practically a virtual gang-bang. You can wink, email, make them your ‘favourite’ and even do instant messaging online. Eek! You could in fact have an entire affair with someone without ever smelling them or hearing their voice.
So far (bear in mind I have been online for only a short time) I have already been winked at twice. Why? What is wrong with these men? Why would you wink at a faceless woman with nothing to say for herself? Do they think that I must be both butt-clenchingly ugly and covered in puss-filled boils as well as shy and illiterate, therefore grateful for whatever I can get? Is that what they are thinking? Both gents in question are rather weathered, perhaps even suffering from cataracts, and well beyond their sell-by-dates. I’m not being ageist, but, please, I do have limits. Say no more.
I have decided to put this one on hold for now as a dear friend of mine has recommended me on yet another dating website. Plus, if I spend enough time looking for the perfect dating site I can avoid ever having to go on a date!