Do Christmas shoppers need brake lights?

Some might call me foolish, wandering in to the city centre on the Christmas shoppersSaturday before Christmas.

Some might summon up even more derogatory terms. And I wouldn’t disagree. However, it’s still days until Christmas Day, so bags of time left for the average male shopper to get that longed-for gift for their beloved. I’m sure she’ll love another bottle of perfume that she doesn’t ordinarily wear….

Given that I was fairly relaxed, having done all of my shopping bar enough gift tags, it surprised me how quickly my heckles rose, and the chuntering under my breath became more and more audible.

Can I say ‘goosing’ on this website? a) it’s Christmas so seasonally relevant and b) it’s called Henpicked….Why is it that people are happily walking in the right direction in an informally conventional traffic flow system, and then suddenly, without a hint of a sideways glance at an attractive window display, stop. Suddenly. Not a slow down, but a complete stop, providing a real test for the brake pads on my shoes. Only my fleet-footed response prevented many a festive goosing with a robust roll of John Lewis wrapping paper. Can I say ‘goosing’ on this website? I think so – a) it’s Christmas so seasonally relevant and b) it’s called Henpicked….

Many a sharp turn across the flow of traffic by one of the oncoming shoppers, without as much as a whispered thank you, and a pile up outside TopShop seemed inevitable. My old rugby-playing sidestep preventing a hideous mangled mess of bodies and strewn gifts.

It is Christmas, so let’s have lots of please and thank-yous. Thank you.Please everyone, it is Christmas, there’s lots of people out there, so let’s have lots of please and thank-yous, and avoid sudden movements and preserve our collective dignity, not just festive cheer.

Perhaps we ought to indicate with our arms to turn left or right, maybe the traditional up and down gentle arm wave to indicate slowing down.

But please, let’s eliminate the full stop!

Ross Crombie

About Ross Crombie

Lover of Rioja, Everton, Annabel, my children Leah and Saul, Annabel's children Georgia and Dan, skiing and travel, Cricket, Southwold and Walberswick - but not necessarily in that order. Born in Hertfordshire, now living in Nottingham.