Christmas isn’t always straightforward…
I may hide away from Christmas AGAIN this year.
Christmas can highlight the good as well as the horrible times, feelings of being alone, enhanced by being with couples enjoying themselves and being on one’s own, in a group, can make one feel really lonely at this particular time of the year.
I usually volunteer for Crisis at Christmas. Helping others less fortunate is not only uplifting, but makes one’s life feel of value.
However, this Christmas I decided that I was going to enjoy a quiet time, at home alone with just my dog, cat and rescue chickens. It was going to be a lazy cosy day – or so I thought, until I allowed my heart to rule my head.
In the past I have learnt to walk away from situations that cannot be resolved, licked my wounds then got on with my life, not looked back, just learnt from mistakes made on both sides. I have always looked and eventually, in time, found a positive from a negative experience.
However there is one unusual situation that as yet I have not walked entirely away from, allowing my strings to be pulled, in the most uncomfortable way many times.
This is such a time, once again. I am stuck in limbo, feeling to cleanly cut this person out of my life, as advised, like a surgeon’s knife.
I can’t understand what stops me from doing this – it’s almost like an addiction, to…what? The pain, anger, feeling of loss, loneliness it evokes, from the past, or is it because underneath my heart still rules my head?
A friend in need
This troubled person has the same traits as one of my many past rescue dogs that stole my heart. A sad, rejected, often aggressive, but funny, sometimes affectionate, lovable stray that would go roaming the streets, return home, tired and dejected in a mess, eat its food, go to its bed and sleep, until it got out and got into more trouble again.
Eventually this mutt became old and poorly and had to be put to sleep. Needless to say I cried my heart out, but got over it and remember the Dog (Bilk) with affection.
Not for the first time I now have to make a painful decision: do I continue to let my strings be pulled? It’s a situation that I can’t resolve, and normally would have walked away from.
Whatever I decide this Christmas I may not stay at home after all, but do something worthy to help someone who really does needs my help.